some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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