It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize