I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
