I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize