she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
