the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
