why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
