I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
