and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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