In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
