Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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