pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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