he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
