she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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