Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize