home. puking in laundry basket.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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