I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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