I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
