I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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