Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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