I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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