I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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