it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
