I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
