Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
