my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
