My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
