he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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