every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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