it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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