Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
