I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
