I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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