I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
