I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wish I only lived at night.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
