oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
one might say we're banned from that church
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
