oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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