my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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