You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
