you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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