i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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