I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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