i think my mom watched the whole time
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
