...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
