Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
