Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
