idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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