I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
