can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
