im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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