one might say we're banned from that church
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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