cat food counts as protein by the way
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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