She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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