apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
