so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
