Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I had to cum in my sink.
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