In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
