I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
