I'm so fucking centered right now
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
