it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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