He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
