Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
