Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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