She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
